Where am I? Where will I be?

Ever ask yourself, "Where is this all going?".

I'm sitting here is someones room wondering just that. Five years in the Marine Corps. It is a Sunday and this Friday I will go to work, just another day as a United States Marine. I'll have a couple appointments, get a little work done, and at 1630 just like any other day I will leave work. Only like a snap of your fingers this time its for good. I will wake up the next day just like any other albeit maybe a little later, and then what? Obviously I have plan. I will drive home to Florida where the wife and child who I miss so dearly now will be waiting in our new home already unpacked and ready. Will anyone here remember me? Have the things I have done made a difference? Will the Marine Corps be better or worse as a result of me being apart of it? Further still, will the lives I've come into contact with be effected or will my time in them be insignificant like a freckle on the back. Unnoticed. Unseen, Irrelevant. Memories fade. Experiences blur with the tick of time. People forget. What have I done to be relevent. Perspective is a hell of a thing. I've deployed twice and each time on the drive to wherever we were departing from after the goodbyes and the tearful embraces that did not last long enough. I found myself noticing someone out in there yard or, or at the store, or passing me by and I would think to myself, "This is just another day for them, Its just Tuesday, trash day.". How can such an important day in my life, filled with such an impact on my future and distress in the present just be another day to them. Its because we are a minuscule part of an infinite whole. We are but a speck on the back of a gnat. I heard this song today.

(This is not the whole song, but enough to express the thoughts of today.)

In my own little world it hardly ever rains
I’ve never gone hungry and always felt safe
I got some money in my pocket
shoes on my feet
In my own little world
Population me

Stopped at the red light, looked out my window
Outside the car, saw a sign, said “Help this homeless widow”
Just above this sign was the face of a human
i thought to myself, “God, what have I been doing?”
So I rolled down my window and I looked her in the eye
Oh how many times have I just passed her by
I gave her some money then I drove on through
in my own little world there’s Population two

I am not the brightest, strongest, nicest, meanest, best, or worst person I know.

But, I have to believe Ive effected others. I have to believe that what I have done has benefited someone other than me. Do I know this as fact. No.

But what I have come to realize is that that in itself is irrelevant as yesterday is gone, today is ever changing and tomorrow is like a winning lotto ticket in a sweaty palm. If you die tonight no one will know potential there was but if you don't you can do or be anything. The important question is not what have I done to benefit or positively effect those around me. It is what am I doing and what will I do. I am not have a lot of money by any means, I don't have a foreign car or a estate, I barely have bank account. And as far as my wife is concerned she'd probably tell you I am the cheapest person she knows. But I am rich in life. Riches that can be spent in a month, a day, a second. For at anytime it could be over. I am rich of influence from those around me. My wife, my child, my friends, and my family, and God are the currency that bless my pockets. I wish to be the penny that blesses the palm of the world.

Yesterday is spent. Today is a hole in the pocket. If I wake tomorrow it will be full of green.

Either way I wont settle for Population me.



My Mother and Father (A small thing that stuck.)

My Mother and Father (A small thing that stuck.)

 

      Great sunday today. Beautiful weather, incredible mood, awesome service, and in the middle of all this a key principle.  A memory. A lesson.

Awoke this morning in a great mood, just felt good, one of them days. Got in the truck and got on my way to church. Jamming in the truck listening to some good tunes, getting my church on before church.

Had a long week and by this time I was needing some of Gods word to set me straight for the next one. Well ask and you shall recieve....acctually recieved a good bit more than I asked for. So get to church, they kicked some of my more favorite songs put me even more in the mood to get whatever mesage it was today. So Dave (Preacher) gets up there and is telling a story about a woman he knew and how her husband was very ill and in the hospital. Well he and a few other friends of the man went to the hospital to pray for there friend and they sang some songs and prayed with the mans wife. Throughout it all she stayed well composed and although worried she didn't seem distraught. He asked her "Why are you not histerical, where did you get this amazing faith. She responded "The Lord will not challenge me with more than I can conquer, will not burden me with more than my shoulders can bear." How strong a statement from someone who is going though what most would consider the most devastating event of her life. And yet she knows that there is a plan in everything and trusts The Lord so fully and completely. Now, either I dont remember or he never told us what happened to the man as it really didnt pertain to the point but I remembered and not for the first time what my mother used to say to us, or atleast myself when my brothers and I were children. She would say, "God will not give us more than we can handle, If he is challenging you with something and you are unsure wether you can make it through think about this. What if God needs this done, what if God needs someone to do this, and what if someone else with a weeker constitution cannot. If God is challenging you it is because you are the one that can carry that burden. Now, Im not sure wether my mother accutally told me this, if I heard her say it or hell maybe I just made it up because of her constitution and resolve our whole lives.....Pretty sure she said it. Either way it stuck for fifteen to twenty years and I live by it as does my family.

 Profound.

It was just one of those days. One of those days you need to hear something and you do. One of those days where you are at a place in your life and you are going though something you just cant seem to get a hold of. Something you just cant wrap up. My biological father was never around probably for the best as his constitution was worth about as much as a 3 eyed blind man. I dont know if it was because of him that she was strong or if because she was so strong that he could be weak as all get out but either was it is what it is. Now most of my life I was bitter that I never had a father, little did I know I did. I know now I have always had a Father.

My Mother and Father taught me a lesson today and I now know I have the shoulders to bear this burden.

Just another Sunday.